Average person fails to notice as his anonymous Facebook post overturns city government

At press time, the City of Apartmentwood is reorganizing following the mass resignations of several leaders of the community and every city employee.

The citizen who changed the trajectory of governance with a two-sentence Facebook comment said he had not noticed.

“Oh wild. I would love to know what happened, but mom says pizza is coming and I gotta clear space on my desk, ya know?” said Adam Pilsbuck, the “average citizen” behind the situation.

It all began on Sunday, when the city formerly known as Lakewood posted on Facebook that road closures on 112th Street would be delayed from 3 pm on March 30 to 5:45 p.m.

Pilsbuck, using the name Anonymous Freedom Fighter 293, wrote, “They suck. Throw the bastards out.”

Reaction was swift, as the entire Apartmentwood City Staff Council resigned, and City Hall emptied as employees, reflecting on their career trajectories, decided to reconsider their occupations.

“Upon reflection, we have failed to represent the community. I need to step back and reflect,” said Mayor Ron Parloni.

“The Facebook comment forces us all to reflect on what more we could have done to fulfill both the essential functions of government and to make Lakewood a more welcoming place for people of all backgrounds and ages to live and thrive. This comment was both piercing and provoking,” said Council member Tara Bills.

Meantime, City Hall was an empty place five hours after Anonymous Freedom Fighter’s post. One would have expected to see dozens of jobs posted, but the entire former HR department had resigned and adjourned to Starbucks to seek a contemplative retreat site for their next stage in life. 

“This was the inflection point, as we have to wonder, are we devoting our professional careers to a higher purpose?” said Assistant City Manager Ariel Sanchez. “That Facebook comment showed us the passion that Lakewood citizens bring to their city.”

Part of a national trend

What happened in Apartmentwood is happening more often in America, said Carol Wenceslas, executive director of the National Association for Slackertivism, a division of Meta.

“People are learning that only suckers get information, meet their neighbors, learn about issues and especially vote, hahah, how quaint,” Wenceslas said. “Slackertivists have learned that you can look at one picture or a couple of sentences and then leave your snarky comment and BOOM: There’s the dopamine rush, er, I mean, there’s your civic involvement. You made a difference and your opinion counted! No need to do anything else. Embrace change!”

Wenceslas said many thoughtful citizens do share informed commentary on platforms like Facebook and Next Door “and we’re sorry about that, every responsible social media platform attempts to distract readers with videos of cats dancing to the polka and deliberately inflammatory politicians.”

Pilsbuck, on his drive to pick up pizza to help out his mom, said he was glad his Facebook comment received such a reaction. “I actually live in DuPont, I think, I’m on that road by that swinging bench that looks over the water in Pioneer Park, but what I said reflects the deep feelings of people everywhere,” Pilsbuck commented. 

And he does want real change: “I hope this means our schools will get some new leadership and the Legislature will stop taxing us,” he said.